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“What a good boy”

November 9, 2011

“When I was young, they’d look at me and say: “What a good boy, what a strong boy, what a pretty boy.” “Got these chains…”I had never been a Barenaked Ladies fan until someone I worked with did a version of this song. I love the lyrics because they make us realize the damage we do to ourselves.

My children are perfect. As parents we don’t realize true and complete love until we see the innocence of our children. I wouldn’t change a thing about my children’s appearance. I am awe every day of how cute they are. And the funny thing is that my daughter looks like me.

It is funny because I have never liked the way I look. I have always been bigger, taller, more awkward, and uncoordinated than others. Not only that but I don’t even try to cover it up. I generally don’t wear make-up because it makes me want to scratch my face off from allergies. I try to buy attractive clothes, but I have a hard time finding anything that really fits since I am on the line of too big for regular stores, but too tall for plus stores and I am not very fashion forward in my thinking. Despite more time spent at the gym than the average person, I am still big. I have spent my life thinking that I was fairly large and not the most attractive since I was born. After all, I was over 10 lbs at birth and that was ginormous for the time. But then something funny happened, I had my daughter and I realized that my parents probably thought I was perfect when I was a baby. Maybe I am not as unattractive as I thought. Maybe I have to get over the fact that I felt way too tall and awkward as a pre-teen. Because my kids are perfect and once upon a time I was perfect too.

And my daughter looks like me and she is perfect. It occurs to me now that all of the self deprecation must have been heartbreaking for my mom. Who knows why it starts? The media? Comparing myself to my sister? Just being an awkward and shy child? All I know is that my heart will break when my daughter starts doing the same thing to herself (or my son for that matter.) I have to find a way to stop it. Because my kids are beautiful.

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