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Protected: Anaya’s birth story

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Fertility Gods

I would like the fertility Gods to start shining on many of my friends. That is all.

“What a good boy”

“When I was young, they’d look at me and say: “What a good boy, what a strong boy, what a pretty boy.” “Got these chains…”I had never been a Barenaked Ladies fan until someone I worked with did a version of this song. I love the lyrics because they make us realize the damage we do to ourselves.

My children are perfect. As parents we don’t realize true and complete love until we see the innocence of our children. I wouldn’t change a thing about my children’s appearance. I am awe every day of how cute they are. And the funny thing is that my daughter looks like me.

It is funny because I have never liked the way I look. I have always been bigger, taller, more awkward, and uncoordinated than others. Not only that but I don’t even try to cover it up. I generally don’t wear make-up because it makes me want to scratch my face off from allergies. I try to buy attractive clothes, but I have a hard time finding anything that really fits since I am on the line of too big for regular stores, but too tall for plus stores and I am not very fashion forward in my thinking. Despite more time spent at the gym than the average person, I am still big. I have spent my life thinking that I was fairly large and not the most attractive since I was born. After all, I was over 10 lbs at birth and that was ginormous for the time. But then something funny happened, I had my daughter and I realized that my parents probably thought I was perfect when I was a baby. Maybe I am not as unattractive as I thought. Maybe I have to get over the fact that I felt way too tall and awkward as a pre-teen. Because my kids are perfect and once upon a time I was perfect too.

And my daughter looks like me and she is perfect. It occurs to me now that all of the self deprecation must have been heartbreaking for my mom. Who knows why it starts? The media? Comparing myself to my sister? Just being an awkward and shy child? All I know is that my heart will break when my daughter starts doing the same thing to herself (or my son for that matter.) I have to find a way to stop it. Because my kids are beautiful.

I want to stay home!

I am loving this stay at home mom gig far too much. If I could get paid to do this, I wouldn’t go back to work until my kids were older. I love that I can take my son to pre- school and watch the kids grow. However, one thing that I didn’t take into consideration is the fact that my son does not like leaving the house. In my mind, I would have been going to the Y to work out at least twice a week and dropping the kids at baby- sitting. Or going to the mall or a play group or out for coffee or a museum. But alas no, we stay home. So all I do all day is surf the Internet and Facebook. I am sitting most of the time nursing so I can’t even get a lot done at home. I miss people which is funny since I am so shy. It is funny that a three year old can dictate so much, but when my son says he wants to stay home and we force him out, it is not a good idea. I am reading the book How to Raise Your Spirited Child and I have to give in to the idea that sometimes when my son says he wants to stay home I should respect it. It is too bad though since he doesn’t know what he is missing!

Will I ever be on time again?!

I am punctual. I am socially awkwardly early. I get everywhere before the meeting starts, before the store opens etc. I have only been late for work once or twice in my life. However, then I had kids. Now I am late or running late daily. I never understood why people with kids were late until I had my own. Sometimes it is because I have to stop to nurse the baby, but that is rare. More often than not I am late because my three year old hates getting ready and hates leaving the house. I thought we were going to be on time this morning for a change and then the sound of the buzzer went when we were still in the school yard at pre- school. We started the process of getting ready at 6:50 a.m. this morning. Should be plenty of time right?! After all pre-school starts at 8:45. However, it is a struggle to get Xavier dressed. Who knew it could take up to an hour to get dressed and a battle if we help or if we don’t help or if the sock is twisted. And then there is eating and peeing. He tried to convince me he had already peed this morning. Following all of the above is the entrance to the car seat once we actually have outdoor clothes and shoes on. Oh, and once we stop to eat again. The car seat entrance would be comedic for anyone else watching. On the plus side, no one can accuse my son of not stopping to smell the roses! And he does make me slow own and appreciate life too. Next adventure: getting to swimming lessons later!

Bliss and joy

I am often complaining about sleep deprivation because I am so exhausted. I didn’t really realize how much until one of my friends asked me to talk about the positive things about having kids! My son is extremely observant, as I am sure most three year olds are. I love sharing in his love of planes, helicopters, trains, garbage trucks and excavators. In fact, now if I notice one and he is not around, I am disappointed. I love watching and listening to him learn new things. He comes home from pre-school full of new information and wonder. His song lyrics are hilarious to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star: “I don’t wonder what you are.” I love watching my daughter discover the universe. Right now, she is rolling over and trying hard to sit up. I spent so much of my son’s life in a sleep deprived blur that I don’t remember some of this. I love Anaya’s little smiles and giggles. It brings joy to my heart. I cherish every time Xavier says: “I loves you mommy!” I finally got it on video so I will remember when he is a teenager. My favorite thing in the world is holding my two children who are my precious angels and my wonderful husband too of course. Bliss, pure sweet bliss.

Stuff!

I love, love, love my children. However, I do miss some pre-kid things! Two things I miss are a clean car and a clean house. I cannot believe the amount of stuff that enters your house as soon as a baby enters it! And all the stuff comes in and nothing goes out. How can a 1393 square foot house not be big enough?! Oh yeah, toys and stuff! And we have the first grandchild so everyone was excited and bought him a toy or something every time he or she came over. I definitely appreciate the help and the fact that people care, but the massive amount of stuff is overwhelming. It is a bit hard not to raise a spoiled brat when he gets something every time he sees someone (and we are guilty too!) Everyone is probably thinking: “well why don’t you just get rid of some of the stuff?” Answer: “because I am saving it for the baby!” I have not even gotten rid of the baby clothes just in case….